The Moment I Thought I Was Going To Die

Last week, I was watching the movie The Shack and it weirdly hit home for me.

For years and years, I've been asked what it's been like going from being completely able to completely not, and semi-completely not. I admit it's a question sometimes I still don't fully know how to answer because for awhile I didn't understand how I went through it myself.

In the movie, it is centered around a Dad who has lost his daughter and she was murdered in this shack. He becomes distant from his family, emotionally turned off and driven by rage and hate for what has happened. He receives a letter, urging him to go back to where his daughter was killed and he does. It turns out to be a much different spiritual, eye-opening and life-changing experience than he could've ever imagined.

While watching, I could hear people thinking:

"Yeah, right. This stuff would've never happened."

"This can't be a true story."

Blah, blah, blah...

Moments after my accident, I was loaded into a ambulance alone and beyond afraid. I was 15 years old, I had never broken a bone on my body before. Hell, I had never been to the doctor's office without one of my parents. I had excruciating pain in my neck and shoulders, which I would later find out that I had extensive nerve pain and damage. But as I was laying there in the ambulance, surrounded by 6 paramedics, I started not being able to breathe. I didn't that typical movie moment you always see, where you have your life 'flash' before your eyes. I thought about 3 people, my dad, my mom and my sister. I had never lived a moment without them, how could I live the rest of eternity without the 3 most important people in my life? I'm only 15 years old, it can't be my time. I haven't done what I've wanted to do yet...

Yet, my lungs were collapsing, my pain was increasing, my breathing was severely labored, I couldn't form sentences and there was nothing I could do.

I thought to myself in that moment, today is the day I'm going to die. Alone.

I lay there and my eyes close.

I'll never be able to fully comprehend or explain to you what happened when my eyes closed. I saw the brightest lights, it was warm, and I was completely pain free. All I know, I was in complete peace. I didn't see any angels, or God because I didn't need to.

I felt them all right next to me.

I was transported from the mountain to a helicopter and flown in to Loma Linda trauma hospital. When I arrived at the hospital and saw my mom, the first thing I told her was, "I was with Jesus."

I look back and remember those next weeks and months in the hospitals, were the worst months of my life. I had never-ending pain, I couldn't even muster up the energy to cry because I had no lung-capacity to do so.

I can't tell you why bad things happen and why I broke my neck on the mountain that day. Was it to make me experience life in a way that was never possible for me on two feet? Was it to live out a purpose much bigger than I could've ever imagined that someone upstairs had planned for me?

Even though some days I wanted to give up and throw in the towel, I remember the day where I would've given anything to stay on earth and live out what I was put here to do.

That is one of the big reasons why I wakeup every morning, happy smiling and wiggling my toes. I remember on every hard day I've experienced, there isn't a second that goes by that I am not eternally and forever grateful I didn't go to heaven that day.

People always say, "live everyday like it's your last." Super cliché but when you almost die you look back at the people and moments in your life that made you want to live forever.

When it's my time, I want people to look back and say I made a positive impact and changed the way they see the world.

What do you want people to say about you?

Xoxo,

Natalie