The Only Person You Should Hold Yourself Accountable For

Sorry for the delay in releasing my new posts - 2016 has started off as a banger for me hitting me with root canals, crown fillings and the flu. YAY! Nevertheless, I am back and healthy finally.

I haven't written a post about dating in awhile and I think starting off the new year it's important to remind ourselves of a couple simple things. First being, what am I looking for? In that sentence, what do you like about your partner or the guy you have been seeing? I have asked a bunch of my friends that same question and you would be surprised how many of them had trouble answering it.

Dating comes with drama - without a doubt. But honestly, it should not come with any drama! When you care about someone and they care for ya right back - things should easy. But unfortunately life doesn't always work that way. For example, you'll have a ex that cheated on you so you can't move forward with anyone because you constantly are scared you are going to get screwed over again. The worst part about that situation is that by being timid in your new relationship you are damaging two things: the first thing would be the trust between you and your new partner and the second thing would be the most important thing your self worth.

When I was in college, one of my best friends went through a really bad breakup. It made me upset to see her so upset. And of course she had moments where she was like is this what I really want? Maybe we could work it out? But I think deep down she knew it was over and that was for the best. One of the things that she did that I never really ever thought of doing when going through a breakup was writing down the reasons why they shouldn't be together. You have to imagine how hard that must've been for her but extremely liberating at the same time. There was a lot of reasons on the list but the most important one she wrote stated, "I deserve to be happy."

5 words. Bam.

I deserve to be happy.

It made me sad on the inside that she even had to write that out. The truth is we all deserve to be happy. It is easier said than done right? When things don't go the way you want them too, you fill yourself up with self-doubt. But inside there is always that little demon telling us otherwise, filling us up with thoughts that don't make sense but when your upset make all the sense in the world.

"He's going to find someone else"

"He's the best you're ever going to get"

"No one else wants you" "You're ugly" "You're fat"

"You're not smart enough"

"You're not good enough"

In the midst, of all that self hatred and doubt you slowly but surely start to lose bits and pieces of yourself. The girl that had a wall of self confidence built taller than the Berlin Wall has become so fragile that if someone looks her way she immediately doesn't know how to act. The fact is you lost yourself trying to become good enough for someone else's standards. The only person's standards you should be holding yourself accountable to is YOURS.

The second you start putting yourself first and everyone else second - you'll rarely be disappointed. When you see a guy you've been seeing active on Tinder and Bumble and think to yourself - that's weird we've been dating for awhile. Think back to that moment where you made a commitment to yourself - I know my worth and I know what I want and don't want. There is no one out there in the world that has the power to have control over my feelings about myself.

It is time for you to grab that power and never let go. Self-worth and self-change are two things that cannot happen overnight. They take work and dedication to bring yourself back to a place where you are happy with what you see when you look in the mirror.