The Things I Was Told I'd Never Do

You know when someone preaches cliché quotes to you like like, "life will throw you curves."

And you stand there like, "well whatever, nothing THAT bad is ever going to happen to me." I was that girl who thought she was invincible....

Until life showed me that I wasn't invincible. When endured a spinal cord injury at 16, that left me paralyzed from the neck down - it ended a lot of things for me.

It ended an athletic career, I and many others saw for myself.

It ended friendships with people I thought cared about me.

It ended romantic relationships that I never made time for anymore.

It ended me being able to see "eye to eye" with normal teenager problems that I once could relate to.

It ended me being the teenager, I thought I was going to be.

Neckbrace, glassy eyes, skinny, pale and a CHAIR - who even was I anymore? I didn't recognize the girl I saw in the mirror. What was I going to do? How was I going to live like this? Could I do it?

I had no other choice.

So what did I do? I did what I had to to keep moving forward in life. I captured and seized all the little victories (and by little I mean, LITTLE) I celebrated getting in and out of a car independently. I celebrated being able to feed myself. I celebrated being able to sit up without falling over. Everyday, I celebrated being HERE, being present on EARTH. When you have a near death experience - it makes you think about every moment in your life. As I sat on the gurney in the ambulance before my spine surgery, I thought to myself did I do everything I wanted? Did I make my parents proud? Did I tell my friends I love them? Was I a good person? Did I make a difference? Is the big guy upstairs happy with the way I lived my life? Did I matter?

Those were only 1/4 of the questions I asked myself.

I once had an uneducated individual say to me, "having an injury like yours is worse than death, because you are stuck with your situation everyday and there is nothing you can do to change it."

I had to laugh (in her face) because it doesn't matter if I never moved a muscle again - I am happy that at 16 years old it wasn't my time and that I was GIVEN the opportunity to live my life. I get to be here doing everything I never thought I was going to get to. I have people always tell me - you're always out doing fun things. Well yeah, because I spent too much time not being able to go out and have fun. There isn't one day that goes by that I don't find the smallest thing to smile out. There is so much good out there in the world - don't wait for it to find you, go out there and get it!!!

I've so much about life in the short 24 years I've been on earth. The most important piece of advice I can share with you is that life is never predictable. It is always changing and it is never the same. No matter who knocks you down or tries to steal your hope away from you - there is always something to be thankful for or look forward to.

If you told me when I first was injured that by 23, I would have walked to get my high school diploma, or that I would be attending one of the most prestigious Universities (USC, duh) in the world or be independent enough to live on my own and work a full time job that I am so passionate about - I would of said you are lying.

I was told I would never be independent. I would never drive a vehicle. I would never be able to live without 24/7 care. I would never be independent enough to go to college. I was told I would have to live on disability benefits for the rest of my life because there would be no way I'd ever be physically able to work a job.

The only thing I have to say about that is that I REALLY REALLY REALLY wish the people that filled me with all that doubt, could see me now.

At the end of the day, the only things we get to hold on to is hope, faith and love. Hope that things will be better tomorrow then they were today. Faith, that the big guy upstairs has a plan ahead crafted just for us. Lastly, love that triumphs any barrier, physical or mental illness out there.

I hope you never lose sight of those three things and if you do please know you are never alone.

I GOT YOU.

Xoxo,

Natalie